Chuck Roberts: stuff I find interesting

Is the Self-Checkout Lane Really Faster?

2011-07-05T20:32:00.003-05:00

I have to admit I was a little intimidated when grocery stores first came out with the self checkout lanes. Actually, I think a lot of people must have been intimidated by them because they didn’t seem to be very busy back then. I’d stand in the “express” lane—in quotes because of the inevitable person who ignores the 15 item limit—and look longingly at the empty self checkout lane and think about how much quicker I could be out of the store if only I could use that lane.

Eventually I was with my wife at the grocery store and she headed to the self-checkout. “It’s really easy,” she said, and lo and behold it did seem easy enough to give it a go myself. The next time I was at the store I tried it and now I use it almost exclusively. I’ve gotten pretty proficient with it, too, I have to say.

But now I’m beginning to wonder, is it really faster to use the self-checkout? For one thing, many shoppers have also figured out that it’s easy to use. That’s freed up a a lot of time for store employees to look at National Enquirer and People magazine, but it’s created long lines at the self-checkout.

It’s not a flawless system by any means, which is one of the reasons for the lines getting longer. You see, the most intimidating thing about using the self-checkout is dealing with “The Voice.” The Voice can be very hard to please. She’s got a certain way of doing things and she doesn’t like it when you don’t do things her way. In fact, if you don’t do it her way she’ll just stop working. And there are a lot of things she doesn’t like. If you get something just slightly in the wrong place she says, in a voice you wish was just a little quieter, “PLEASE REMOVE THE LAST ITEM FROM THE BAGGING AREA.” Sometimes it’s not always clear what you did that ticked her off, but nonetheless, she’s intimidating enough to make you scramble to figure out what’s upsetting her. Sometimes it’s something like not putting the milk in a bag that upsets her, and if you can’t figure it out fast enough she just shuts down and says, “an attendant has been notified.” Except the attendant is over at the customer service desk trying to line up a date with a coworker. Or reading People magazine.

But even if you didn’t have to contend with those issues, you’d still be facing the biggest challenge of all when it comes to self-checkout. I’ve “patiently” (in quotes because the APA rules state that anytime patient or one of its derivatives is used in a sentence along with my name it must be in quotes) waited in the self-checkout line and observed the following: one, friends and family members gathered around the checkout carrying on a leisurely conversation while just as leisurely checking out their groceries. I have to say women are the big offenders on this one. If you see guys gathered around one they’re just trying to figure out how to use the danged thing. Second, I’ve watched parents whose toddlers wanted to help check out the groceries, so you stand there while Billy selects the item he wants to scan, which happens to be the item Sally is holding, which, of course, starts a fight. Eventually, a truce is agreed to and Billy scans his item. Then it’s Sally’s turn, except she wants to check out the item that Billy hurriedly picked up . . . which, OF COURSE, starts another fight. And then you’ve got your shoppers who really should just go through an attended line but who insist on using the self-checkout, except they just can’t ever get the hang of it, so you stand there and wait while the attendant walks over from the customer service desk to check out their groceries.

Yeah, I know, I know. I’m really turning into a crotchety old man. Still, I think I’ve listed enough legitmate issues to force a rethinking of the whole notion of self-checkout. Don’t you think?

Get Twitter, Bash Christians!

2011-03-03T11:41:00.001-06:00

As a 21^st century Christian, I just want to say how grateful I am for modern technology and all it does for us. Oh, how I love my iPhone! Just ask my wife. The other night we went out for dinner and when we got to the restaurant I realized I’d left my iPhone home on the charger. We joked about the trauma it was going to cause me, but it was no easy thing, you know. It was the first time we’ve been apart in over 20 months. Do you remember the first time you left your child in someone else’s care? Yeah, like that. I’m always plugged in, just a few moments away from checking email or reading or posting Facebook status updates. You name it, there’s a lot I can do with that iPhone, including getting myself a Twitter account and bashing other Christians with it, if I decide to.

Yes, we should be truly grateful, for about the time all the old ways we Christians had for bashing other Christians were getting stale and boring, along came Facebook and Twitter to take us to new heights. See, we’ve always been good at beating up our fellow believers, but let’s face it, the old technology, if you even want to call it that, didn’t make it very easy. If you had a pulpit you could attack people from it, but that excluded most folks. The rest of us had to resort to spreading gossip one person at a time, hoping others would join in and help us get the word out that someone had a suspect theological view or was slipping in some area of his walk with God. That, or we could write an open letter, I guess, but that could take weeks, months even, to effectively question another’s theology or character, and if you were a nobody they might not find out your views anyway. I mean, who cares about an open letter from, well, from Chuck Roberts, for instance?

Thankfully, those days are over, which made it so much easier for Justin Taylor last Saturday when he wanted to get the word out about Rob Bell’s new book being full of heresy. By the end of the day it was a top ten trending topic on Twitter. That just wouldn’t have been possible in the old days. Personally, I can’t understand why Rob Bell didn’t tweet something back at Justin Taylor (and all the other Christian leaders who soon jumped on the Taylor bandwagon) unless somehow in all this heresy Bell’s gotten himself mixed up in he’s gotten the goofy idea that Jesus doesn’t like that sort of thing.

By now I’m sure you see through my tongue-in-cheek portrayal of my gratitude for the technology that makes a mess like this possible. Really, I’ve just been sad about it since I first read of it on Sunday morning. Sad, because it’s no way to treat another person, Christian or non-Christian. Sad, because the news of it is everywhere—including CNN.com--for the world to read about Christians bashing other Christians.

I want to be clear that, while I am no theologian, I do care about good theology. I believe it’s important to determine what’s true and to teach it, live by it. Theology affects every detail of our lives, so yes, it’s extremely important. I just believe love is even more important, more important than being right. I think Someone Else believed that, too.

Since what we believe about God matters so much, bad theology certainly needs to be confronted. But not in an unloving way. Not through Twitter. Try sending one of those old-fashioned letters first. You know, the old technology. If Rob Bell is teaching universalism, the idea that everyone gets into heaven, no matter what they believe or how they’ve lived, then I’ve got a problem with that. Is that what his new book is teaching? Who really knows? His book hasn’t been released yet. Justin Taylor just read a few advance chapters and rushed to his Twitter account to out Bell as a universalist. It reminds me of a time a man confronted me about a book I was taking an adult Sunday school class through, saying, “I’ve read the first chapter and the last chapter and skimmed the rest of the book and I don’t agree with a word that man says.” But at least that was said in a private conversation and not blasted to the world.

I want to be clear about another thing. I appreciate Justin Taylor and the Gospel Coalition. I appreciate Taylor’s leadership in putting together the ESV Study Bible, which I love. I am a frequent reader of the Gospel Coalition blog. I’m pretty certain I’m closer in my theology to Justin Taylor and the Gospel Coalition than to Rob Bell. Yet I am often troubled by what seems to be the arrogant mindset of so many in the Reformed movement. There’s so often an air of “we are the beacons of truth. Thank God for us, but it sure does get tiring dealing with all these theological midgets.”

Why is it that so many in Reformed circles seem so mean-spirited? I’m surprised by so many in the movement who write great tomes about Jesus and Paul and issues like forgiveness and yet feel free to say brutal things about another believer in a public forum. How does a good man like John Piper end up reTweeting the link to Justin Taylor’s blog on Saturday along with the words, “Farewell Rob Bell”?

Some apparently interpreted Piper’s words as meaning, “Rob Bell, you’re dead to me.” I think (I could be wrong) he was saying, “you’ve left the faith, so farewell, Rob Bell.” Interesting, because if I’m right it means Piper once considered Bell to be part of the faith, which, I would think, now leaves him open to criticism from others in the Reformed movement who considered Rob Bell to be gone from true Christianity a long time ago. The same way so many Reformers savaged Piper a few years ago for having the audacity to invite the likes of Rick Warren to speak at his conference. It also surprised me that Mark Driscoll joined the fray on Saturday. The same Mark Driscoll who once complained about the way John MacArthur took him to task in a magazine when he said he would have been willing to fly to Los Angeles at his own expense to hear MacArthur’s concerns privately. To be fair, Driscoll didn’t exactly bash Bell. But he did Tweet the link to Justin Taylor’s blog post with the words “Rob Bell Universalist?” That effectively helped spread the word to Driscoll’s many followers, giving them the opportunity to join the pile-on of Bell.

Again, do I think bad theology should be confronted? Yes! Quietly. With love as the guiding motive, not “being right.”

Still, it makes me long for the old days when we used to sit around the youth group bonfire and sing “and they’ll know we are Christians by our truth, by our truth, yes they’ll know we are Christians by our truth.”

Or was that “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another”?

Letting God and Jesus Have a Turn

2011-01-24T16:20:00.002-06:00

The other day I was trying to wake Linnea up to get ready to go to her day school. Waking her up is seldom easy, but I was trying to be extra gentle this morning because she’d been sick the past two days. On about my second or third trip into her room to say, “C’mon, Linnea, it’s time to get up,” she turned her head toward me—she was lying on her stomach—and said, “shhh, Dad, I’m praying.” “Oh, okay,” I said, and walked out of the room. I figured either she really was praying (her prayers have amazed me at times) or she’d stumbled onto a surefire way to play me for a fool. I was fairly convinced it was the latter, but, in the event she really was praying I didn’t want to interrupt. And I sure didn’t want to get in the way of what God might be doing in the heart of my little girl.

A few minutes later I went back to her room. She was lying on her back now with her hands pressed together like a steeple. Once again, I figured she was either pretty darned consistent; she’d heard me coming down the hall and put her hands together like praying hands to help convince me, when in reality she’d grabbed a few more minutes of sleep, or she really had been praying. A few seconds after I entered the room she said, “Okay, I’m done,” and climbed cheerily into my arms.

“What were you praying for?” I asked.

“I was praying for Uncle Rodney (Susanne’s uncle was in a motorcycle accident last Thursday) and for your shoulder to get better.”

“That’s great,” I said. “I appreciate you praying for me.”

Ten minutes later, as we were eating breakfast, Linnea said, “Dad, I’m sorry I took so long praying, but I was letting God and Jesus have a turn.”

“Letting God and Jesus have a turn. What do you mean?”

“I was letting them say something. It’s nice to let others have a turn, you know.”

“It sure is. And what did God and Jesus have to say?”

“They said they want Uncle Rodney to feel better, too, and for your shoulder to feel better and for me to not be sick.”

“Well that’s great. I sure appreciate you praying.”

Since our conversation, I’ve been thinking a lot about “letting God and Jesus have a turn.” I’ve read a lot about prayer lately, contemplative prayer in particular, and one author suggested that perhaps too many of our prayers are taken up with our talking when, if it’s really a two-way conversation, we should be spending some of our prayer time just listening. It’s rare that I do that. I’m not a great prayer warrior; not nearly as committed to prayer as I both want and sense I need to be. I wonder what I might hear if I let God and Jesus have a turn sometimes? It can’t hurt to listen. Maybe a five year-old has something to teach me about prayer.

A Christmas Reflection

2010-12-16T15:03:00.001-06:00

Joseph, the Obedient Father

If you were God and you were working out an elaborate plan whereby one member of the Trinity would visit humankind, be born as a baby, and grow to manhood before revealing himself as the Messiah, you wouldn’t want him growing up in just any old home, right? Not that Jesus could have turned out badly, but because you’d want him in a caring environment where his parents saw to his physical and spiritual well-being. Much is made, as it should be, of Jesus’ mother Mary. She was a remarkable young woman whose words “let it be to me according to your word” should be our heartbeat. But we don’t hear as much about Joseph and I think that’s too bad.

We’re introduced to him in Matthew 1, where, after a long line of “___ the father of ___ and ___ the father of ___,” there’s “Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom Jesus was born . . .” Right away you know something is different, which we know is the Virgin Birth, as we’re told in the following verses. Verse 18 tells us that Mary was “betrothed” to Joseph and “was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit.” Except Joseph didn’t know the Holy Spirit part. Not yet.

I’m a marriage counselor and a large part of my practice is helping couples whose lives have been ravaged by an extramarital affair. I’ve sat across from couples and watched as the offended spouse battled with the shock and disillusionment of the betrayal. Their world has been turned upside down; everything they thought they knew is now up for grabs.

Was this what Joseph was feeling when he discovered Mary was pregnant? Did he sit there in disbelief as Mary told him (assuming she told him; Scripture doesn’t say) she’d been visited by an angel and that her pregnancy was the Holy Spirit’s doing? I’ve heard offending spouses weave some pretty remarkable explanations for the cause of their affairs. Was Joseph’s head spinning as this discovery was made? I don’t know, but I think we do an injustice to Joseph if we don’t consider the real possibility that he was feeling some of this. They were betrothed, which was a far higher level of commitment than engagement in our culture, and in our day, finding out the one you’re engaged to has had an affair is plenty bad. Our culture has cooked up the awful practice of “friends with benefits.” Betrothal was like marriage without benefits. You weren’t yet living together, there were no sexual relations, yet it would take a legal divorce to end the relationship. Surely Joseph and Mary had talked and dreamed together about their future. Their marriage might have been arranged yet it’s pretty clear they loved each other. We know from the text that Joseph loved Mary, which I’m going to get into shortly. We’re not told this by Scripture, but I’m assuming Mary loved Joseph because she had such incredible greatness of heart. With a heart like hers how would she not have loved Joseph? So undoubtedly they’d dreamed of the life they’d live together, the children they’d raise to be faithful to the Law, the carpentry trade he’d teach their boys. Was that spinning wildly in Joseph’s mind as he learned Mary was pregnant?

I think it’s clear that Joseph loved Mary because of verse 19: “Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.” Don’t get hung up on the divorce part. The Law allowed for that. It also allowed for Mary to be exposed, disgraced, and stoned to death. Joseph had a good heart; he wanted to continue his faithfulness to the law but in a way that would not hurt Mary. That’s sacrificial love.

Did Joseph know the extent to which Mary’s “out of wedlock” pregnancy would affect the rest of their lives? Did he know that his son’s parentage would be questioned, and those comments would call Mary’s integrity into question? Did he anticipate that he would be talked about, laughed at, as he went about his business in Nazareth? “Hey, there’s Joseph. What a rube! How naïve is that, to marry a girl who couldn’t even stay faithful during their betrothal?” Or, more likely, “well we know what you and Mary have been doing.”

I don’t know, I can only presume, what Joseph was thinking. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe not. What I’m sure of is that Joseph was a good man, just the sort of man you’d want to raise your son. He was a just man, faithful to the law. And he was led by God. Matthew 1:20 says “behold an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream.” In 2:13 it says “an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream.” And again in 2:19 it says “an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt.” Just like Mary, Joseph had a good heart. The angel of the Lord appears to him in a dream and says “marry this girl” and he does. He shows up again and tells Joseph “move to Egypt and stay there until I tell you” and he does. The angel of the Lord shows up yet again and says “it’s time to go home to Israel but don’t settle where Archelaus is” and he obeys. Mary said “behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” In his own quiet way Joseph said that, too.

Steve Johnson's Twitter Message--My Take

2010-11-30T13:42:00.002-06:00

Last Sunday the lowly Buffalo Bills took the mighty Pittsburg Steelers to overtime in their football game. In pro football overtimes the first team to score wins the game (at least in the regular season). Early in the overtime the Bills quarterback threw a pass that landed perfectly in the hands of wide receiver Steve Johnson as he crossed into the end zone. Catch it and it’s game over. Bills win! But Johnson dropped the ball and the Steelers went on to win the game.

After the game Johnson was inconsolable. Within an hour or so after the game ended he posted this on Twitter: I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!!AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!!YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS???HOW???!!!ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!!THX THO…

I guess Steve Johnson was pretty angry at God, felt He’d let him down. When I read about this on profootballtalk.com I scrolled down to read some of the comments. I find it interesting, amazing, and often horrifying to see what people write (anonymously, of course) in online forums. Not surprisingly, several would-be theologians had something to say to Steve Johnson.

One said: Steve—God puts the twigs on the trees but the Robin still has to make the nest. God gives you abilities—don’t question him if you fail to use them. God cares about you, but not football. Are you using what you have to honor God, or are you just questioning him when you fail?

End of sermon.

Another said: This just in from God . . .

Pray less . . . practice more.

Thank you.

And another: God doesn’t do anything, he empowers each person to make up their own mind. If they want to follow it or not is each person (sic) choice. If Johnson wants to blame God for his dropping the football that is his choice but before he blames God he needs to make sure he was prepared for the event.

So take that, Steve Johnson. You’ve been put in your place. But what I’d like to suggest is that Johnson’s Twitter message was much closer to what the Bible teaches about a life of faith than the theology lessons he got from the ones telling him to shut up, to not talk to God that way, to stop blaming God. What he said is about what you’ll find in about half the Psalms and other places in the Bible. Read Psalm 88 or Jeremiah 20 if you don’t believe me. What God seems to be saying, particularly in the Psalms, is that in a life of faith, of walking with God, you’re going to feel many emotions. Sometimes you’ll feel peaceful, happy, and secure in the feeling that God is right there beside you (see Psalm 18, for example). Other times you’ll feel let down, angry, like God has deserted you. Since the Psalter was Israel’s worship hymnal God seems to be saying that whatever we’re feeling he wants us to have a conversation with him about it. Many Bible scholars suggest that’s what made David “a man after God’s own heart.” It wasn’t the “exemplary” life he’d led. No, it was the pattern we see in the Psalms he wrote, that whatever was going on with him he talked to God about it. I think it’s possible that’s what Steve Johnson was trying to do, however inadvisable it is to do that in a public forum (though the Psalms are widely published). I’m not suggesting that our anger at God is right or justified. Was Johnson right to blame God? I don’t think so. Yet in that crushing moment he felt like God had let him down and he expressed that feeling to God. Don’t we all (or maybe it’s just me?) cry out to God, complain to him at times—on the job, in a relationship, at a hospital—and feel betrayed by Him? Yes. Is God a God who betrays? No. But he’d rather have us angry and talking to him than silent and proud and distant from him. Steve Johnson may in fact be closer to God than many of his critics. After all, one of the best ways to avoid a relationship with God is by being good, being religious, a “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” kind of person.

Yesterday Johnson posted a few more Tweets trying to explain himself. Among them were these: “I learned A lot Within 24hrs. Saw Both Sides.(Ups&Dwns) I AM HAPPY & THANKFUL 4 YESTERDAY! w/out Sunday iWldnt have grew closer w/The Lord!!” “And No I Did Not Blame God People! Seriously??!? Cmon! I Simply Cried Out And Asked Why? Jus Like yal did wen sumthin went wrong n ur life!”

I cannot possibly know what Steve Johnson’s relationship with God is really like. I hope he also publicly praises God when things go well for him. I hope I do to. After all, whether praising God or questioning him, it’s all right there in the Bible as an example of how to be truly close to God.

Choose Wisely

2010-11-01T13:44:00.000-05:00

“. . . the people are responsible for the character of their Congress. If that body be ignorant, reckless and corrupt, it is because the people tolerate ignorance, recklessness and corruption. If it be intelligent, brave and pure, it is because the people demand these high qualities to represent them in the national legislature.” James Garfield, 20th President of the United States

Altars and Tents

2010-08-24T11:25:00.000-05:00

Arriving in Canaan, Abraham built an altar to worship God and pitched a tent (Genesis 12:8). The altar and the tent are both characteristic of a spiritual journey. The altar represents our commitment to giving God the supreme place in our lives. The altar is the place where we meet God, the place where we call upon God, the place where we respond to the call of God. The tent reminds us that life is transitory and that we are on a journey. Whenever we replace God on the altar of our lives, we create idols or addictions. Whenever we replace the tent we forget that life is transitory and create a mausoleum, a kind of death in the midst of life. It may be a beautiful home or a great business but without the context of the altar and the recognition of the tent, it is death in the midst of life. Knowing God . . . involves respecting God on the altar of our lives and remembering that we live in a tent.

-David F. Allen, M.D. in Contemplation: Intimacy in a Distant World

My Addiction

2010-07-14T09:17:00.000-05:00

As a counselor I know how helpful groups can be to clients, including those with addictions. I already know what my next group is going to be. And I aim to start it, just as soon as I beat the addiction.

I’m talking about my addiction to books. It’s been a lifelong battle, you see. I grew up in a family that loved to read. We didn’t get a television set until I was about 12, and as a young boy my family would often sit together in the evening while Mom would read several chapters of The Little House on the Prairie series. Mom could really make a story come alive and we loved listening. As soon as I was able to read I was off and running. I brought books home from the school library, as many as I could get. When we’d go to town on Saturdays the public library would be our first stop, and I’d spend the rest of the afternoon in the car reading my books, no matter how hot or cold it was. Back in those days it was often a Happy Hollisters mystery. I’d finish it before we left for church the next morning.

Several times a year at my daughter’s daycare they have book fairs, and Linnea always wants to load up on books. Seeing her Scholastic Books catalog is a reminder of how I used to drag their catalog home from school when I was a boy and beg and plead for my parents to buy me some books. They didn’t really have the money to spare but somehow they often scraped some together and bought me the books. And then I’d wait. And wait. And wait some more. It seemed like forever before my beloved books would arrive in the mail.

Then my teenage years arrived and I started earning my own money. That coincided with the Family Bible Week book table at my church, where my pastor would assemble an assortment of books that we could peruse during the week and place our orders. And not long after that I discovered a company way back in Massachusetts that sold Christian books at a deep discount. It was Christian Book Distributors, which is now christianbook.com. But again, whether ordering books at Family Bible Week or from CBD, they’d take what seemed like forever to be shipped, which is a terribly long time to an addict.

Then came Amazon.com and the aforementioned Christianbook.com. That sped up the process quite a bit: you were no longer mailing an order form and a check that had to clear before the books were shipped; they had the order immediately and charged it to the credit card on file. Still that blasted wait, though, which could be excruciatingly long, especially when you’re (once again) waiting on the book that is going to change everything.

About a year ago I got an iPhone. I was pretty slow to add apps but one day when I was looking through the App Store I saw “Amazon Kindle for iPhone.” Well that looked interesting! I didn’t buy anything right away but the thought began to play in my head that it would be nice to have just one book on the phone that would be available if I had a long wait at a doctor’s office or something like that. I’d never have to be without a book. So I downloaded the app, spent the next few days looking at book samples, and eventually purchased one. Which was really easy to do. Amazon, God bless them, has this handy “one-click ordering” that makes it all very simple and fast. I’m sure they did it just to be nice.

I counted the other day, and I now have 15 books (not counting a few samples) on my iPhone. Did I mention how easy it is with one-click ordering? As any addiction specialist will tell you, there is nothing like quick and easy access to fuel an addiction. I am really proud to tell you that I recently confessed to my wife how many books I’ve got on my phone. She was very gracious and kind about it; didn’t give me a hard time at all. Aw, who am I kidding? She didn’t rebuke me because she’s addicted to books herself. She doesn’t have an iPhone, so that should help. She briefly tried to read one on my phone and didn’t like it. But the other evening on our date when we walked away from a bookstore eighty dollars poorer, she did say, “I can see how a regular size Amazon Kindle would be really nice.”

So if I ever beat my addiction, and if I’m not working two jobs to pay for books so that I actually have the time to lead a Kindle addiction group, I’m going to do it.

I’ll keep you posted.

Thin Places review

2010-04-15T14:32:00.000-05:00

How can a book be both gut-wrenching and beautiful? In Thin Places: a memoir, author Mary DeMuth pulls it off. This is the moving account of Mary’s life growing up as a child of a broken home, sexually abused at an early age, and struggling to feel like she mattered. It’s the story of how a teenage girl, struggling with thoughts of suicide, finds Jesus, and how He redeems her story.

Mary’s book is not easy to read; it’s gut-wrenching, as I said. Oh, she is an incredibly gifted writer and she holds the readers’ attention with ease as she skillfully intertwines stories of her early life with later events. It’s just that some of it makes you want to scream and throw the book across the room and curse this fallen world where Satan steals so much. Like the 14 year-old junior high student who whispers in Mary’s ear before her wedding, “Don’t worry, it hurts at first but it gets better.”

What makes it beautiful is the courage Mary displays by opening up her life for all to see, all the painful, awful things that happened to her, the ways it still affects her now, and how she’s found, and is finding, freedom. Through her life you see that, while Satan steals so much, he can never destroy. God takes what is meant for evil (such as the con artist who steals the DeMuth’s house) and uses it for good in our lives.

It’s beautiful in the way Mary is willing to put her struggles out there for us without (apparently) feeling the need to tie up all the loose ends. One of my former counseling professors once commented on the way Christians typically (and safely) confess things in the past tense— “I used to struggle with ___ but God gave me the victory.” Mary turns the tables and confesses some present tense things. By doing this I think she demonstrates the truth that we struggle not only with the damage done to us by sinners but the damage we do to ourselves and others as sinners. However we’ve been hurt by sin Mary shows how God provides the healing and forgiveness and love we need and long for.

Frederick Buechner in Speak What We Feel: not what we ought to say, says, “it is Red Smith who is reported to have said that it’s really very easy to be a writer, all you have to do is sit down at the typewriter and open a vein . . . vein-opening writers are putting not just themselves into their books, but themselves at their nakedest and most vulnerable . . . and many good writers never do it at all.” Mary did it, opened a vein and bled on the page, and in doing so, wonderfully points to Another who spilled his blood to redeem us, our stories. Buechner goes on to say “since I have long since come to believe that all of our stories are at their deepest level the same story, it is my hope that in listening to these . . . say so powerfully not what they thought they ought to say, but what they truly felt, we may possibly learn something about how to bear the weight of our own sadness.” Mary’s story will make you think about your own story, your own sadness, and the ways Jesus shows up in it.

“Thin places,” Mary writes, “are snatches of time, moments really, when we sense God intersecting our world in tangible, unmistakable ways. They are aha moments, beautiful realizations, when the Son of God bursts through the hazy fog of our monotony and shines on us afresh.” And oh how He bursts through in Mary DeMuth’s book, showing up as He truly is, the Star of all our stories.

Paul David Tripp on marriage

2010-04-13T11:02:00.003-05:00

I just got Paul David Tripp's book, What Did You Expect?, yesterday and I've only read a few pages. These words really jumped out at me:

I am persuaded that it is more regular than irregular for couples to get married with unrealistic expectations. Again and again I have sat with couples who simply do not seem to be taking seriously the important things the Bible has to say about what every marriage will encounter in the here and now. Unrealistic expectations always lead to disappointment . . . Part of the problem is the way we use Scripture. We mistakenly treat the Bible as if it were arranged by topic—you know, the world’s best compendium of human problems and divine solutions. So when we’re thinking about marriage we run to all the marriage passages. But the Bible isn’t an encyclopedia; it is a story, the great origin-to-destiny story of redemption. In fact, it is more than a story. It is a theologically annotated story. It is a story with God’s notes. This means that we cannot understand what the Bible says about marriage by looking only at the marriage passages, because there is a vast amount of biblical information about marriage not found in the marriage passages. In fact, we could argue, to the degree that every portion of the Bible tells us things about God, about ourselves, about life in this present world, and about the nature of the human struggle and the divine solution, to that degree every passage in the Bible is a marriage passage.

Should we help the poor?

2010-03-15T10:39:00.000-05:00

Good words from Scot McKnight: http://blog.beliefnet.com/jesuscreed/2010/03/hey-mr-falwell-read-your-bible.html#more

Exorcising the quid pro quo god

2010-03-10T14:04:00.001-06:00

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/marchweb-only/19-41.0.html

Tying the Clouds Together | LeadershipJournal.net

2010-02-10T10:21:00.000-06:00

Tying the Clouds Together LeadershipJournal.net

Pat Robertson, Marketing Genius?

2010-01-15T13:17:00.003-06:00

I regularly read stuff about marketing, looking for ways to get the Center for Biblical Counseling of McKinney noticed. So I just had this thought: is Pat Robertson just an (evil?) marketing genius? The dude sure knows how to get people talking about him.

Unfortunately, I don't think it's a ploy to get noticed. I think he really believes what he says.

Tim Keller: How Do You Take Criticism of Your Views?

2010-01-12T09:34:00.002-06:00

Great food for thought! I really needed this and will continue to think about it and ask God to change my heart in this area. Read it here: http://www.redeemercitytocity.com/blog/view.jsp?Blog_param=86

A Christmas Reflection

2009-12-17T14:17:00.000-06:00

It is an often painful fact that our lives seldom go the way we planned. How many of us have the life we pictured at age 20? A well-known quote attributed to Woody Allen says, "if you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." Most of us aren't quite that cynical yet it is true that things often don't turn out the way we'd planned.

In Luke 1 we're introduced to two women for whom things undoubtedly did not go as planned. There's Elizabeth (and her husband, Zechariah) who "had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and both were advanced in years." Being childless in Israel was considered a disgrace. As a woman of that culture she'd have longed for a child; Luke 1:25 confirms that fact. And then there's Mary, who was legally pledged to be married to Joseph, but was not yet married to him. God sent Gabriel to tell her that she would conceive of a son by the Holy Spirit, and she would give birth to the Messiah. Two women for whom life wasn't going as planned. Elizabeth, no doubt, envisioned herself being a mother much earlier in her life. Mary, no doubt, hadn't planned on being a mother quite yet. Both were obedient to God. Elizabeth obeyed in naming her son John despite the protests of relatives. Mary made the timeless statement of obedience: "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word" (Luke 1:38).

The Son she bore was himself obedient, both to his earthly parents--"and he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them" (Luke 2:51)--and to His heavenly Father--"he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" (Philippians 2:8). This was the ultimate act of love and obedience.

Christmas is a beautiful story, and a wonderful time of year. We enjoy the twinkling lights, the bountiful treats, and the gifts that express the joy of relationship. We should not miss, amidst all the trappings, the opportunity, even when things have not gone as planned, to say with Mary, "let it be to me according to your word."

Startling finding regarding young men and porn

2009-12-15T13:04:00.002-06:00

From the November 2009 issue of Psychotherapy Finances:

The problem with trying to study the effects of pornography on young men, researchers find, is that you can’t assemble a control group. Professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse from the University of Montreal explains: “We started our research seeking men in their 20s who had never consumed pornography...We couldn’t find any.” The average age at which his subjects first watched porn was 10, Lajeunesse told The Telegraph (Britain, December 2). Roughly 90% of their “porn consumption” was via the Internet...Meanwhile, according to a Nielsen survey quoted in the November/December Psychotherapy Networker, 25% of U.S. employees admit to accessing Internet porn at work. A long article about the effects of pornography titled “Out of the Shadows” is available online at www.psychotherapynetworker.com.

Good words from Philip Yancey

2009-12-07T11:26:00.000-06:00

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/november/28.65.html

Reflections on Tiger

2009-12-03T10:26:00.001-06:00

Read this good post from my friend Ben Wilson over at www.marriagesrestored.com: http://www.marriagesrestored.com/marriages/2009/12/reflections-on-tiger-woods.html

I feel for you, Eddie Cibrian!

2009-11-24T10:25:00.002-06:00

I heard on the news last night that Eddie Cibrian (I guess he's an actor; I hadn't heard of him until this story) is suing Life & Style magazine for defamation for claiming in an article that he was cheating on his girlfriend, LeAnn Rimes. Tacked onto the end of the story was the news that Eddie is in the midst of a divorce from his current wife.

So hey, Eddie, I just wanted to say that I feel for you, buddy. Where do people come up with this stuff anyway? The gall, suggesting that you could be cheating on your girlfriend!

Eddie's estranged wife told Us Weekly "she was tired of Cibrian's infidelity."

So I am wondering, is that defamation lawsuit for defamation of character? Really?

http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/cibrian-ive-had-no-sexual-relationship-with-anyone-other-than-leeann-rimes-20092011

John Wooden

2009-10-15T10:33:00.002-05:00

My favorite John Wooden story was when Bill Walton returned for his senior season with long hair and a beard, which was against Wooden's rules. Walton told Wooden he had the right to long hair and was going to stand by his beliefs. Wooden told him he admired a man who stood by his beliefs and then said, "we're going to miss you." Walton left and came back with short hair and no beard. Wooden could stand by his beliefs, too. Oh, and at the time UCLA was in the midst of the longest winning streak in NCAA history, 88 straight games.

I miss coaches like John Wooden and Jack Hartman. As much as I respect and admire Bill Snyder and his coaching job at K-State--and the way he sticks by his principles--Jack Hartman will always be my favorite K-State coach.

My Award for Writing

2009-10-09T11:36:00.002-05:00

I'm so truly humbled to report that I've won the International OMIGOSH! Award for Writing for my book . . . well . . . okay, I haven't actually written the book yet. But I hope to, and if I do I hope people will read it. I hope they like it, too. In fact, maybe I'll write about hope.

Who'd a thunk it? Me and the President getting an award on the same day. Wow!

Does Starbucks instant coffee taste good?

2009-10-01T07:38:00.001-05:00

I walked into a Starbucks last evening and there were signs posted everywhere about their new instant coffee, Via. I told them at the counter I was very skeptical of the claim by their CEO that most people would not be able to taste the difference between Via and their in-store, brewed coffee. They enthusiastically gave me a packet to take home and try.

This morning I carefully measured the 8 oz. of water they specified and heated it in the microwave and then added the coffee grounds. Unfortunately, I only got about 5 sips before a coffee-drinking moth dove into my cup to absorb the full effect. Quite a sacrifice! I'm addicted to coffee but not to the point of giving my life for it. Well . . . I don't think so.

Anyway, those 5 sips were enough to tell me what I suspected. Starbucks instant coffee is not as good as their brewed coffee. But it is very, very good, far better than brewed coffee I've found anywhere other than Starbucks. It's good enough that my mind is racing with the possibilities, like keeping a few packets in my work bag for emergency situations, such as counseling CEU classes, where the coffee is almost always bad.

So congratulations, Starbucks. You did good.

Community

2009-09-18T10:40:00.002-05:00

I'm not much of a TV watcher. The only show I've regularly watched for several years now is The Biggest Loser. I don't even sit to watch an entire sporting event anymore, which has to be a real shocker to my father and siblings (and incidentally, that was true even BEFORE we were blessed with Linnea). Last night, however, I saw a show that has a chance to become a regular. I'd seen a preview for the new NBC show, Community, so we taped it and watched it. Hilarious! You have to see it. Hey, Chevy Chase is in it, so you can't go wrong. At one point we were laughing so hard that Dolly, our lovable bassett came over and sat in front of us with a great look of concern on her face. I think you can watch the whole show at NBC.com. Very funny!

Great K-State running backs

2009-09-17T13:36:00.003-05:00

Seeing the article posted on Facebook by my friend Michael Mills (he with the ku degree) about famous Syracuse running backs made me think of all the famous K-State running backs. Hmmmm . . . well, there's about four that I can think of: Veryl Switzer, Larry Brown, Mack Herron, and Darren Sproles. A lot of newbie Wildcat fans--not the long-suffering ones like me who faithfully cheered the football team for 16-17 years before Bill Snyder's arrival--fondly remember Darren Sproles and his time at K-State. I do, too, especially when I see him running the way he did for San Diego Monday night. Many of us respect Darren for doing so much while being so small for a football player, and some fans probably think he's the smallest running back ever to star at K-State. Ah, but they're forgetting Mack Herron, who was slightly smaller. Actually, I can't remember Sproles height and weight when he played at Kansas State, but San Diego lists him as 5-6 and 185. Herron was 5-5 1/2 and 170 pounds. Granted, he didn't have quite as distinuished a career at K-State or in the pros, but he did do some good things in the CFL and NFL.

Memories of past greatness . . . which I'm afraid is all us Wildcat fans will have this fall.

Anger with God

2009-09-17T10:34:00.001-05:00

Good article titled Shaking Our Fists: Acknowledging Our Anger With God
http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/spiritualgrowth/shakingourfists.html

Liberal, Kansas

2009-07-28T11:51:00.001-05:00

Follow the link to read an excellent article by Rodney Clapp in The Christian Century: http://www.christiancentury.org/article.lasso?id=7406

Great quote from James Houston . . .

2009-07-20T21:03:00.003-05:00

"The desire that really gives life is to know God. This desire is never satisfied, for it is one that grows with its fulfilment; and our relationship with God changes and leads to a constant deepening of our desires."

James M. Houston, The Heart's Desire, p.26

I first read this book 10 years ago, but it is one that I keep pulling off the shelves about once a year to read parts or the whole thing again.

Warning, Warning!!!

2009-06-02T11:52:00.000-05:00

“Are we stopping here?” Susanne asked, stirring from her sleep as I slowed down for the approaching gas station.

“What’s going on?” she asked, as I just as quickly sped back up, leaving the station behind.

“We’ll have to go on to Fayetteville. That place is closed.”

I had just fallen victim to something that I want to warn you about today. As a conscientious and concerned citizen I feel it is my duty to call your attention to a grave concern of mine. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt. You see, gas stations around the country are going out of business and leaving behind the signs advertising their price as of the date they closed.

Maybe you don’t understand why this is such a big deal. Well I’m telling you, it is a safety concern. I first noticed it a while back when my wife and daughter and I were returning from a trip to Branson, Missouri. We were winding our way along an unfamiliar two-lane highway in Arkansas. We needed to fill up, but I was intent on making it to Fayetteville, where I was sure we would find the cheapest gas in the area. We were on this little highway approaching a small town, really just a wide spot in the road, as we used to say about my Kansas hometown. There, about a half mile ahead was one of those tall gas station signs, and glory halleluiah, the price was at least sixty cents cheaper than any place we’d found on our trip.

Boy was I excited! I was slowing down and getting ready to pull in, jubilant about the price I was going to brag about later to my family and friends. And then I noticed it. There were no other cars around taking advantage of this amazing price. There were no lights on in the building. The place had gone belly up. It took awhile to get the ol’ ticker settled back down to its normal pace after all the excitement I’d felt.

And several weeks later it happened to me again, this time in McKinney. I was heading north on McDonald when I noticed cheap gas advertised and nearly broke my neck jerking my head around to recheck the sign. Again, a closed business. No cheap gas.

None of this would have happened, I suppose, if I was driving a SMART car. But I will get to that later.

This brings me to my proposal: we need a law requiring gas station proprietors to take the numbers down when they close their business. Violators should be subject to a hefty fine. You see, someone is going to get hurt one of these days. A few heart palpitations or a sore neck, like I experienced is no big deal. But someone is going to stare in disbelief at a sign and get so focused on it that they stop paying attention to their driving, and then, big problems. Someone else might do one of those cross-three-lanes-in-fifty-feet maneuvers Dallas drivers seem to specialize in trying to get into the station and wind up hitting someone.

We cannot stand idly by and let this happen. Now is the time to act before it is too late. Especially now. Gas prices were down for a while but they’re creeping up again. As they climb higher there will be stations that go out of business. We should act now to make them take down their signs when they close. It may save a life.

But as I said, I suppose none of this would be a problem if everyone drove the SMART car. You’ve seen one, right? The itty bitty car that looks like someone wrapped a grocery cart with metal and added a motor. I’m not sure how handy they are for a road trip because I can’t see any place to put luggage, although I suppose I could tow it in the child carrier I usually cart my daughter in behind my bicycle.

The point is, though, that a car this small is bound to get such great gas mileage that their owners aren’t prone to things like old gas station price signs. For a trip to the grocery store the SMART car is probably just the thing. And the really cool thing is, most grocery stores will let the SMART cars drive right on into the store, not that there’s room in it for much more than a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread.

But at least no one’s getting hurt.

Pray for Will Franklin Chapman

2009-05-22T10:54:00.004-05:00

Read this for an update from Mary Beth Chapman. It was one year ago that a tragic accident took the life of their young daughter. Please pray for Will Franklin.

I really appreciate her rawness and honesty. Here it is: http://chapmanchannel.typepad.com/marybeth/2009/05/a-mothers-heart-for-two-very-brave-chapman-children.html

Math, YUK!

2009-05-21T16:04:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I had an email exchange with my sister Ruth about her daughter’s geometry final today, and then a conversation with a colleague this morning about algebra and trignometry. Both were a reminder of how helpless I am when it comes to these subjects.

I can still recall the total confusion I experienced as a freshman in high school algebra class. (Well, it’s not that difficult to recall because I’m just as confused today). Here I am in this class, having done okay with basic math, and all of a sudden the teacher is writing a bunch of letters on the board with plus signs and minus signs and multiplication signs and division signs in between. We’re adding letters! Well, at least my classmates are. I never actually did. It was the weirdest thing sitting there in class and, I swear, the teacher wrote a bunch of letters on the board and asked, “What’s the answer?” and someone called out a number, and guess what, THEY WERE RIGHT. How’d they get that?

It was the same thing the following year with the same teacher in geometry. The only thing that saved me in that class is that the teacher gave the test in 2 parts. One day we’d have to write out the theorems. I had a good memory so I would ace that part of the test. The next day we’d have the second part of the test, putting those theorems to work in equations. He’d ask us to “prove” a variety of shapes: triangles, rectangles, etc. And I’d be thinking, “What do you mean, prove? What is there to prove? SOMEBODY DREW THAT SHAPE ON THE PAPER, IT’S AS PLAIN AS DAY. WHY DO I NEED TO PROVE IT?

My teacher was one of those who was such a natural at math that he couldn’t explain it to kids like me who didn’t get it. He could never “get” why we didn’t “get it,” so the explanations he offered missed the point entirely. “I’m still back in last year’s Algebra trying to figure out how you added letters. I’m not ready for this geometry stuff.”

When I was in grad school I had to take the dreaded Statistics course, which I actually passed with an A, for no apparent reason. Once we were working on an equation in class and I was having trouble figuring it out. Daniel, who was the youngest in the class (I was one of the older ones in the class) said, “Chuck, it’s just your basic Algebra.” I did some quick math and replied, “Daniel, the last time I had Algebra was the year you were born, and I didn’t get it then, either.” Of course, I was also the kid who never understood what they were teaching in science about the atom until Venus Flytrap explained it on an episode of WKRP in Cinncinnati.

Who was it who said, “as long as there are math tests there will be prayer in public schools”? I am sure Kirsten was praying today, and I hope her geometry final gets a good grade.

"The Shack" by King David

2009-04-01T13:26:00.001-05:00

If you read "The Shack" this is a must-read article by Gordon MacDonald.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/currenttrendscolumns/leadershipweekly/theshackbykingdavid.html

Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage

2009-03-26T14:46:00.003-05:00

As a marriage counselor, I highly recommend the new book from NavPress titled Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage by Michael and Chuck Misja. This book offers real hope to everyone who is married. In fact, while it is a good title, I am afraid some people will say, “My marriage isn’t difficult, so this isn’t the book for me.” And that would be a shame, because this book has a lot to say to every married person. In a sense, every married person is in a difficult marriage. I say that as a man who is happily married and would never choose anyone else as my wife. But if both parties to the marriage are truly alive, fully engaged with their intellects, emotions, and wills, there will be difficulty. You’re going to clash. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed, you have a bad marriage, it’s just the reality of relationships. It can add richness to your marriage, in fact, if you see differences as a blessing. To paraphrase Ruth Graham, if we both agree on everything one of us is unnecessary.

What I appreciate so much about Thriving Despite is that it keeps the focus where it should be, on me and my own sinful heart in the context of my marriage. Most Christian marriage books are focused on “how do I manipulate my partner into the behavior I want so that all my needs are met and I feel happy and fulfilled.” Of course, they’re not so blatant about it, but when you boil it down, that’s really what they’re saying.

The Misja brothers define the problem of difficult marriages like this:

“Simply put:

Your spouse does not offer what you long to receive.
He or she does not ask of you what you desire to give.
Consequently, you suffer the pain of disappointment.

Your basic problem is:
You have difficulty keeping your heart alive and good in the face of ongoing, painful disappointment.”

Now you might read what I’ve written so far and think, “They sound pretty uncaring. It doesn’t sound like they offer any hope at all.” The truth is that they come across in the book as very caring, and the effect of what they say is to offer the only true hope we really have (or need): no matter what happens to me in this life, including in my marriage, God will be with me and he offers personal change, deep joy, and a richness of life even in the midst of my pain.

Of course, there are very tragic things that happen in marriages, including affairs and abuse, and the Misja brothers deal very thoughtfully and carefully with this.

Here is a thought-provoking excerpt from the last page of Chapter One:

“What If:

You believed God was less concerned with whether or not your needs were being met and more concerned with the state of your heart?

You were able to give up all efforts to become happy by trying to
change your spouse?

You no longer desired to show your spouse how poorly you are
being loved?

You had the capacity to accept your spouse as he or she is and have a lifestyle of forgiveness?

You knew God’s grace in a way that freed you from guilt and shame
so you could honestly explore the ways you don’t love well?

You believed in God’s love for you so deeply that you were confident you could love strongly and wisely no matter what?

You committed to finding purpose and passion for life that didn’t
depend on your spouse’s response or approval?

Your heart was no longer characterized by bitterness, despair, pride, or apathy?

You were able to disengage from the destructiveness of your marriage while developing a desire to constructively engage in what was God-honoring?

Sample from Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage / ISBN 9781600062148
Copyright © 2009 NavPress Publishing. All rights reserved.

I hope I’ve whetted your appetite to buy and read the entire book. If I haven’t here are a couple more things to try to accomplish that:

A link from NavPress to a PDF of the first chapter of the book: http://www.navpress.com/images/pdfs/9781600062148.pdf

A link to their Focus on the Family interview on March 19 and 20 (scroll down the left side to Web Exclusives): http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/community/events/misja

Daisy Chain

2009-03-09T12:42:00.003-05:00

Mary DeMuth has done it again. I read her previous novels, Watching the Tree Limbs and Wishing on Dandelions, and fell in love with her writing. As good as those books are, and they are very good, she has surpassed them with her latest novel, Daisy Chain.

Mary states that she wrote the book “after having some significant conversations with a friend whose parent appeared like an upstanding Christian leader in public, but abused behind closed doors.” If that is your story—suffering at the hands of someone who put on a good front in public—or describes someone you know, you will want to read this book. Unfortunately, many of us know someone who appears one way in public but is very different out of the public view. Perhaps I’m jaded by my job as a counselor, but I think there are a lot of people out there who’ve suffered this way, but not all of them share their stories. As a counselor, I appreciate Mary’s willingness to tackle difficult subject matter. In Daisy Chain she does it in a way that you feel both pain and hope. There’s no saccharin here but there is redemption, and a feeling that there is more redemption yet to come.

In Daisy Chain Mary tells the story of Jed Pepper, a fourteen year-old boy whose father is a pastor and an abuser. Jed’s best friend, Daisy Chance, has disappeared, and Jed thinks it’s his fault, a notion that several, including his father, do not try to dispel. The whole thing leads to deeper confusion for Jed, leaving him wondering: Who is telling the truth? Who can I trust? Can God be trusted? Mary’s rich description of and faithfulness to her characters, along with a bone-chilling mystery, keep you turning the pages. It’s one of those put everything off so you can read, I’ll-do-the-taxes-later-the-laundry-can-wait-and-two-more-nights-of-fast-food-won’t-be-that-bad, kind of books.

I love hearing people’s stories. As a counselor I’ve found that most people minimize their stories. I’ve heard terrible things accompanied by, “it was nothing, no big deal.” I want to help people honor their stories and to grasp how their story fits into the grand story of redemption that God is telling. In Daisy Chain Mary puts a couple of good friends around Jed who glimpse the larger story. The single most breathtaking moment in the book for me was when one of Jed’s friends was talking about a mural scene another friend painted, and the scene was a winding path with deep ditches on either side. “One ditch is our full-fisted rebellion. The other, she said, is our response to someone else’s rebellion. She told me, ‘The Devil couldn’t care less which ditch we fall into, he just wants us off the road.’” That caused me to lay the book aside for a few moments and consider the ways I’ve responded to ones who have hurt me. Too many times I’ve gone into the ditch. I’m feeling challenged even as I write this to leave others in God’s hand and concentrate on what he wants to do in my own heart.

I said earlier that if your story is like Jed’s you’ll want to read this book. I must say, though, that even if your family was closer to The Waltons you should still read this book. It’s a great story, and we all have something more to learn about suffering and redemption, the confusion it all brings, and God’s role in it. I don’t know what is yet to happen for Jed (Daisy Chain is first of a trilogy) but he’s found a place in my heart and I am looking forward to learning from him.

And by the way, sometimes people can be awfully weighed down by the secrets they carry. It’s often helpful just to tell someone. Mary has created an anonymous blog for people to share painful secrets. It is at http://blog.myfamilysecrets.org.

Another great offering from Tim Keller

2009-01-12T10:38:00.002-06:00

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2008/december/20.51.html

MOM

2008-12-18T09:45:00.003-06:00

If my mom was still alive today would be her 74th birthday and my parents’ 57th wedding anniversary. In a conversation Susanne and I had last week she said that since she was so young when her Grandfather Beem passed away—twelve, I think—she cannot recall his voice. She has memories of him, for sure, but even those are limited. Yet since she was an adult when my mom passed away 14 years ago she can recall many things, including the sound of her voice, the way she answered the phone, her ability to recall recipes off the top of her head, and her constant encouragement.

I was reflecting on that just now, and it brings up the sadness I feel that our daughter will never get to know her Grandma Roberts (that’s also true for her cousin Kirsten, who was an infant when Mom passed away). Now Linnea is not hurting for attention, mind you. For better or worse she is pretty much the center of the universe when we’re in Kansas with our families. She gets all kinds of attention, not the least of which is from her Grandma Beem, whom she adores. Still, she will miss out because my mother was a really great woman. She loved her grandchildren and would have loved Linnea, too. And Linnea would have loved her. Mom would have loved Linnea’s spunk, her love of laughter, and her developing ability to say hilarious things. (Of course, I am her not so objective father. Linnea could call the dog to her food dish and I would think it was beautiful). Linnea would have loved Mom’s zest for life, and her knack—unforced—for finding joy in so much of life, even in, maybe especially in, the hard times.

My Grandmother Holm passed away not long after Mom and Dad were married, so my siblings and I never got to know her. Sometimes Mom would talk about her mother and I would feel the ache of really wishing she was still around so I could know her. I feel that now as I write about Linnea missing out on knowing my mother. She knows my father, and I am so glad for that. He and Mom were a great match: two very good people, and I am grateful for them.

Fifty-seven years, how incredible that would be! Instead, Mom died a few months before their 43rd anniversary. The acute pain that I felt when she first died is gone, but the ache of the loss is so much deeper now. A couple of days before Mom’s death Susanne and I visited her in the hospital, and she reassured us during that visit that she knew Susanne and I would get to have children, something we weren’t feeling so confident of anymore. It took eleven more years, but Mom was right. And I wish the precious gift God gave us could know the precious gift that was my mother.

Regarding store boycotts

2008-11-26T12:52:00.002-06:00

This is worth reading and pondering. Let me know what you think.

http://ellenharoutunian.com/2008/11/19/please-dr-dobson/

Read this!

2008-11-21T13:56:00.003-06:00

My good friend Ben over at www.marriagesrestored.com mentioned a book he'd just ordered, so I decided to check it out and found an excerpt from it on the author's website. The author is Winn Collier, and his book is Holy Curiosity: Encountering Jesus' Provocative Questions. Here is the link to chapter one: http://winncollier.com/excerpts/HolyCuriosity.pdf. By the way, I'm putting it on my Christmas list in case someone wants to buy it for me.

Thank you!

2008-11-04T21:53:00.001-06:00

A few Saturdays ago Susanne, Linnea and I were out running errands and we decided to stop at Fuddruckers for lunch. The place was bustling with activity, packed with moms and dads and children, many of whom were wearing soccer or football uniforms (the children, that is, not the moms and dads).
Susanne and Linnea went to find a table while I waited in line to order our food. As I stood there watching the other families I found myself thinking about how, not too long ago, I used to see families on fall Saturdays and feel sad. Susanne and I didn’t have children, and it was starting to look to me like we never would. This time my thoughts turned to joy because of the beautiful gift God gave us, a sweet, energetic girl who turned three last Saturday. We were blessed to be there for Linnea’s birth, and she has been with us ever since. What a gift from the God “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.” As I stood in line considering all this tears of gratitude welled up in my eyes.
“God, I had all but given up on being a father,” I silently prayed. “I had given up the idea that it even mattered to you where I was concerned. Thank you for being so good to me.”
One of these days I might bump into you on a fall Saturday at Fuddruckers. I’ll be the misty-eyed dad ordering burgers for me and my wife and the little blonde beauty in the soccer uniform.

Pray for "Pacman"

2008-10-14T21:49:00.003-05:00

I’m happy for Adam “Pacman” Jones. He’s finally encountered someone who cares about him as a human being. That someone is Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the NFL, who just suspended Jones again for his latest run-in with the law. Up to this point, the people in Pacman’s life have mostly been enablers and excuse-makers.

I don’t know Jones’ whole story, but from what I understand, he, like many others, had a pretty rough upbringing. In his case, though, he is an exceptional athlete, which can actually work against someone in our society when it comes to character formation. If you’re a good athlete there are a lot of enablers out there--coaches, team owners, schools, fans--who will let you get away with bad behavior. All you’ve got to do is show up on a Friday night or a weekend afternoon and help your team to victory. There are some coaches and owners out there who won’t stand for that, but by and large many of them are more than happy to use a player with bad character as long as he produces for the team. The sad thing is that most of those players never figure out they’re being used. And once their careers are over, all the athleticism squeezed out of them, the enablers disappear from the players’ life, out looking for the next star who can pack the stadium. Again, this is not true of all coaches or teams or schools, but it is true enough that it’s become expected in our society. The really great athletes stop being held accountable for bad behavior in middle school or junior high.

Fortunately for Pacman Jones, someone is standing up and saying, “that’s enough. You either figure out what is going on inside you that is causing you to destroy your life, or you won’t play in my league.” Good friends lovingly confront us when we’re about to do something stupid that will harm ourselves or someone else. Love is patient and kind but it also stands up sometimes and says, “I love you too much to watch you destroy your life.” The thing that is left for us to do is to pray for Adam Jones, that he will see his deep need, a need we all share, for a loving Savior who is full of the grace that changes lives.

Hear No Evil???

2008-10-09T11:25:00.002-05:00

Today's (digital) issue of The Sporting News mentions Lance Allred, the deaf basketball player who was just released by the Cleveland Cavaliers. It mentions that he is writing a book about his disability and about growing up in a polygamous sect in Utah. Any chance the title will be Hear No Evil?

Drink Deeply!

2008-10-07T13:01:00.002-05:00

The counseling center I work at publishes a monthly newsletter. If you'd like to take a look just click on this link: http://www.cbcmckinney.com/newsletter.html. The October edition has a short devotional written by yours truly. It was originally published a few years ago in the Lenten devotional my church puts out every year for the congregation, which explains why the third paragraph begins, "In another of our readings for today . . ." Hmmm, I should have fixed that before it went into our newsletter. Anyway, the newsletter includes parenting tips, and good, thought-provoking articles by my colleagues, too.

just a silly thought

2008-09-24T12:44:00.002-05:00

I just finished eating Campbell's Old-Fashioned Vegetable Beef Soup for lunch.

Which leads me to the question: When are they going to introduce the new stuff? They've had plenty of time.

TRY!

2008-09-24T12:19:00.002-05:00

Do yourself a favor and read this: http://www.lightenup.typepad.com//kendavis/2008/09/try.html?cid=132049038. It's on the left-hand side, scroll down a bit. I found it on Wes Roberts' blog, which you'll find a link to off to your left. Wes Roberts' blog is well worth checking out daily.

Hope Springs Eternal

2008-08-26T11:35:00.004-05:00

It is that time of year when hope springs eternal. I know what swells up in your heart when you read that, and you're exactly right. Football season is here! Or is that just me?

My beloved K-State Wildcats open their season Saturday against the University of North Texas. I don't know what our prospects are this season. We pounded the University of Texas last season but we were awful down the stretch, including a loss to ku. And in my economy, the Cats can win every other game but if they lose to ku the season was a failure. So I am entering this season with my usual odd mix of quiet hope mixed with a fair amount of pessimism which I hope will protect me if the season is a failure. It never works. Pessimism is a poor servant, and I always quickly point that out to my counseling clients.

When it comes to K-State football I have many years of experience (just as my clients do with their areas where they battle with hope). I started faithfully listening to K-State football when I was about 12 years old. I'd be following my Dad and older brother Bob around, watching them work, and listening to the game on my little transistor radio. If you know the history of Kansas State football you know that it was never good, except for a brief period during the late 60s and early 70s when Vince Gibson was there. Things got progressively worse after that. There were occasional bright spots like Steve Grogan and Gary Spani, but my usual Saturday consisted of listening to the Wildcats get soundly defeated by their opponent, and telling myself, "just wait 'til next week." At the end of the season it was always, "just wait until next year." In those days Wildcat basketball was great, so I always had that to console myself. Still, I always hoped for a great football team. There was one good season in the early 80s--we went to our first bowl game ever--but I was in Chicago those days at the Moody Bible Institute. Al Gore was still trying to figure out how to get the Internet to the masses, and the Tribune didn't write anything about K-State, so I missed out on a lot about that season.

After that, things were just bad again. I remember going to a game against Colorado in November of '87, and there were probably 3000 people in the stands. The smart people were out hunting pheasants.

After another dismal season in 1988 K-State went looking for another head coach. If I remember correctly, the University of Iowa had beaten us pretty badly that season, and when K-State hired Bill Snyder, the offensive coordinator at Iowa, it wasn't much to cheer about. It was just another example of how we could only attract assistant coaches who were desparate for a head coaching job, not proven head coaches. Well, we did hire a proven head coach once, Stan Parrish, and turned him into an assistant coach for the rest of his career. Turns out I don't know much about coaches, 'cause Bill Snyder is now a legend in Kansas. His first win came against the University of North Texas (North Texas State in those days) and I went absolutely nuts. Fortunately, I was all alone, so there was no one around to witness this and have me committed.

Saturday night I expect I will be grilling some pork chops for us and Susanne's parents who are coming down for a visit. I'll log onto the Internet site where I listen to the games (thanks, Al). It's the start of a new season, and hope springs eternal.

Is This What Jesus Was Thinking?

2008-08-20T13:30:00.002-05:00

I would love to know what you think of the video venue church. You can read about it by going to Mary DeMuth's blog: http://relevantblog.blogspot.com/2008/08/hologram-pastor.html.

You can see what yours truly thinks of video churches by going to her comments section.

Love & Suffering

2008-08-14T15:08:00.002-05:00

Our daughter, Linnea, has been sick all week. She is not quite 3 (she will be 3 on November 1, and she has reminded us over and over for the past month, "my birthday's coming up!"), and it is hard to watch and listen to her suffer. She told me on the phone this morning, "Daddy, I'm not feeling good."

Susanne and I have both been up in the night a lot with her this week and on one of those occasions a family in our church came to mind. I don't know them, but I know their situation: their four year-old son has battled brain tumors for quite a while now. And I thought, "if it's this hard to bear when your daughter can't sleep because of a bad, croupy cough, how does a parent do it when their child is violently ill or dying?"

Another thought: none of us, no matter how much we love someone, loves as much as God does. How painful it must be for him to see his children suffer, especially when the suffering is because they (we, I) refuse relationship with him.

Love and suffering go hand in hand. There's no way to separate the two, for God and for us.

The Shack and C.S. Lewis

2008-08-06T13:03:00.003-05:00

Several of us were discussing The Shack recently, particularly all the controversy over its' theology. Personally, I feel that some of the ones who are warning against reading The Shack are missing the main point, which is that God is committed to friendship with us and continually provides opportunities for that to happen. It may seem unlikely that the Trinity would show up in a cabin to help a struggling man, as happens in The Shack; indeed, I am not expecting that is actually going to happen to me or anyone I know. Yet the premise is not so far-fetched. God already did something "way out there" in the Incarnation. That Jesus would reside in the womb of a young Jewish girl and be born into this world in the same manner as you and I is incredible! And it shows the lengths God will/did go to in order to have a relationship with us.

Theology matters to me, greatly. I think it is easy, though, to grab onto certain theological concerns and miss something important the author is saying. As I mentioned to my friends, we hold C. S. Lewis in high regard for his great volume of work, and we should. Meanwhile, there are probably many evangelicals who assume that Lewis believed all the same things many of us believe, but that isn't true.

I was thinking about this on my way to work this morning, and I recalled an article I read years ago by J. I. Packer about C. S. Lewis, and I thought I would link to that in this post. It turns out that you have to pay to read the whole article, but if you're interested it is well worth it. Here is the link: http://www.ctlibrary.com/ct/1998/september7/8ta054.html.

Here is another article that points out some of the same things as the Christianity Today article: http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/4749.htm.

Again, my point is, if we got all hung up on certain tenets of C. S. Lewis' theology we might never read his books, and we would be the poorer for it.

a meaningful quote . . .

2008-08-01T12:50:00.003-05:00

I read a good book the other day, one of those ones that entices me to drop everything except what I just have to do. It's called So You Don't Want to go to Church Anymore, and you can read it, or more about it, here: http://www.jakecolsen.com/. The coauthor, Wayne Jacobsen, is one of the men behind the publication of The Shack.

This quote in particular stood out to me because it touches on two of the things that have always dogged me: "You had this incredible hunger to know God and follow him. But you also wanted to be circumstantially secure and well-liked. Those just aren't compatible with following him. We are safe because he is with us, not because our circumstances are easy, and trying to get everyone to like you only made you less a person than God made you to be."

Oh, great, another blog!

2008-07-31T13:08:00.001-05:00

Well, here goes, I’m entering the world of blogging. I’ll let you pause to catch your breath, you, whoever you are that might be reading this. How exciting, you must be thinking, another blog!

Blogging is something I’ve thought about for a couple of years. I love to read and I have a few blogs that I try to keep up with through Google Reader. I also love to write yet I have held off until now actually starting a blog. I think there are two reasons (there may be more, but these are the two I’ve identified). One, if I blog someone may actually read what I’ve written (other than my wife and my trusted writing friend). It’s out there, no taking it back. I’ve always wanted to someday be published but I’ve had this hope that I could write in isolation and then summon the courage to send a manuscript to a publisher who falls madly in love with it. The book becomes a bestseller as news of it spreads like wildfire (my own The Shack-like success story). And once that happens I am validated as a writer and as a human, and then I start a blog, but only because my adoring public is dying to hear what I think. I do have enough contact with reality, though, to know it doesn’t work like that. I’ve just got to put my stuff out there. The second thing that has held me back from blogging is that once you’ve started one you’ve got to feed the beast. If I do somewhere along the line actually attract some readers they will only keep coming back if I’m adding new stuff. Do I have that much to say that is actually interesting? I have feared the answer is “no” so I’ve held off from blogging.

Last Saturday I went to a writer’s conference. One of the things several speakers said was that if you’re going to get something published the publisher wants to know you’re going to be marketing and promoting your book, and one of the primary ways of doing that is through blogging. I do have some hopes for publishing a few things I’m working on, so I can no longer drag my feet about blogging. It is time to get it started.

What will I blog about? I am a counselor in private practice but one thing you can be sure of is that I will never write about my clients. That would be foolhardy and potentially damaging to them. I may, however, offer some thoughts here and there about counseling in general and the process of change. Any examples I use will be from my own life.

I’ve had a lifelong love affair with books, so I will often blog about something I’m reading that is impacting me.

I love sports. I don’t invest nearly the amount of time I did 30 years ago in the days when I was pursuing sportswriting as a career, but I do try to keep up a little. As things interest me I may blog about them. Since I was a little bitty kid I’ve been hopelessly attached to the Kansas State Wildcats. You’ll probably have to put up with a comment or two about them. My wife has pointed out my ongoing determination to “find the K-State connection” to sports stories. Like the day Tiger Woods won his first Masters. Susanne was sleeping in the recliner while I watched a CBS special about Tiger they were running before the Sunday afternoon golf coverage. When they mentioned Tiger’s father had played baseball at K-State I woke her up with my shouts of “there’s a K-State connection to Tiger Woods!” She was less than pleased but accepting of the fact that it’s part of the package with me.

We’ve been married for 20 years now (we actually celebrate it next week). Seventeen years in God blessed us with a beautiful daughter. I am an old geezer who is finally enjoying the thrill of fatherhood. The journey to fatherhood is my main writing project. I chatter on constantly to my friends and my clients about my daughter; I can’t help myself. No doubt I will use some of this space to chatter on about her.

I hope you enjoy it and maybe even find something helpful for your own life.